In April 2014 I wrote a couple of blog entries about cinema-going etiquette - mainly because a couple of cinema outings had pissed me off so much I had to rant about it. One of those was actually in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. And guess what - another episode that got my blood boiling, which just so happen to be in a session for Captain America: Civil War. Coincidence? Probably. Let me lay this out for you.
I'm pumped beyond belief for CA:CW this morning. So excited I get nervous, anxious and anything else you could use to describe it. Before heading out to the film, I'm making sure I don't drink too much, I've cleared the bowels too many times through nervous shits. I know, you're thinking - "Who the fuck is this guy?". You know what, I don't know who or what I am, but I ain't this low life I'm about to rant about below.
Anyways, these days I like to book Gold Class, premium seating sessions for the big big films. Because I am sick to death of cunt faces in cinemas just ruining my experience. I like to think I have a fair amount of tolerance for the shit heads in life, but, I do think there is a time and place for everything as well. In my holy place (yeah, that is a cinema, not a church), I like quiet and no mobile phone usage during the film.
However, I am tolerant of a little bit of both. People make occasional comments to their peers in films - you know what, I do too. Not full on fucken conversations, but a little whisper in the ear. I can also accept that someone may take a quick glance at their phones during a film. Checking the time, waiting for an important call or emergency text - I get it, we need to do this shit sometime.
What I don't get, is the fucken shit bag that has paid minimum $40 to sit in Captain America: Civil War and play a video game/gambling game on his mobile as the film is starting and at least 5 mins into it. Not just starting credits (of which I don't think there was any), but during the opening action sequence.
The lights go out, the film starts. I'm loving my seat, but in the seat which was in the row in front and to the right I could see this scum bag piece of shit a playing game! A fucken game! He is looking at his phone and looking up at the screen every now and then. Me, I'm trying to get immersed into the film, but I can't. His phone is distracting the shit out of me. I sit there in hope that he'll finish his fucking level or whatever and put that away. My blood is literally hitting boiling point - you are ruining my time in this holy place motherfucker.
So, I get up and go over to him. Tap him on the shoulder, and ask him nicely to turn off his phone screen. Now, I ain't a big guy. I got a big temper, but I have been balanced out with a skinny physique and fighting skills that are non-existant. So, when I say I asked politely, I did. It is firm, but not rude. Look at me, I'm worried about being rude to the cock head using his phone in the movie. Weird right? You know what he says back? I say "Can you please turn off your phone screen?"...he says, "Why?"...what in the hell is this shit brick thinking? "Why?" Seriously? I then said "Because you are in my line of sight and it is distracting me. So, do you mind? Do you mind?" Yep, I said "Do you mind?" twice. He honestly looked like I had asked if I could shoot a load into his wife's face. Sorry if that is derogatory, but damn, it was like I had done something very very wrong by asking him to actually watch the fucking film. Shame on me right.
I go back to my seat. He adjusts his seat a bit more upright, no doubt so he could continue to use his phone without me seeing it. What a schlub. He eventually did put it in his pocket. I followed this guy out just to get a look at him. I wasn't going to do anything. I considered making a quick jibe after the movie about being able to play your game now. But, my wife was pretty much telling me to chill.
Just after I told him to turn the screen off and then sat down, it took me about 10 mins to completely relax again. Sure, I got boiling blood from something so simple, but why is it, in this day and age, people must be so fucking dumb about their activities in shared spaces? This was not a free movie in the park, this was paid event where people are generally there to enjoy themselves, and pay complete attention to the film unfolding. I still can't get over the fact his first response was to ask "Why?"...Good luck with life! (that goes for me as well)
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